When the Wedding Bells Stop Ringing: Post Wedding Blues

The sun has set over the carefully chosen white linen and lace. The fireworks of photographed kisses have slowed down. You’ve been carried over a threshold (or did the carrying,) and have almost fully recovered from bottomless drinks the beach. Have you packed your parachute for landing back into real life?

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After several months of planning, thousands of dollars spent, and the biggest party of your life done and gone: there’s no planning left to do. It’s just you, your beloved, and regular old days from here on out. This emotional crash after the best day of your life is better known as the Post Wedding Blues.

For me, it was having less of a reason to bug my friends on a daily basis. Our group text had no common goal, meaning less conversation and less exchanges of photos of pretty dresses. There were no more reasons for needing new dresses! I felt a true emptiness that could only be filled with flowers, glitter, and displays of affection.

I had heard so many other brides and grooms talk about this very fall from grace, but nothing prepared me for when I changed my own tune from “Going to the Chapel” to “Paint in Black.” The sadness of losing a constant party planning initiative pulled the rug out from under me. There was nothing wrong with my new marriage. We were and are very much in love, with all the mush, pink, and giant fluffy heart of fresh marital bliss. The sadness still snuck in and felt familiar to loneliness, even though I was still holding hands with my soulmate.

The rise to happiness and everlasting love slow compared to the slam back down to “real life.” It took several blush-inducing dates, some awkward conversations, and a handful of life milestones before we decided on for forever together. Somehow, the emotional post-wedding dive happened all at once. One minute we’re dancing to a song we heard on our first date and the next we’re sitting back on our couch, staring at our phones with the TV on.

Even in moments of extreme happiness, like a new marriage with your soulmate, it’s possible to also feel a little lost. For some, this is the perfect opportunity to have a child. But me? I’m not interested in having children just yet. All my life goals are checked until I find a new one. I needed a new path, since I’d traveled the one that lead me to the chuppah.

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When I thought about all the things I could work on that wasn’t about other people, like the happiness my husband gives me or the urge to have babies upon babies, there was only one logical pathway. It was time for me to travel to find myself.

As a new married wife, I did have to make changes in my life. I vowed to always order a meal to go if I went out to lunch without my husband. I gained two sisters and a brother, two nephews and a niece, and a giant family filled with aunts, uncles, and it seems like countless cousins. While I still have all my hopes and dreams, I also have a whole new life to adjust to. It was, and still is, important for me to find my footing on this new ground.

Therapy is a huge part of that. For me, that means seeing an actual therapist. Talking with an unbiased person about what goals I might want to reach for, how to make connections to the new people in my life, and how my new wifey pants are fitting helps me continue to work on the path to myself. It’s my parachute for a smooth landing into the depths of real life, full of mundane averageness with only a few sprinkles of glitter.

For others suffering at the key change of post wedding blues, it may be something different. Talking with a stranger with a notepad about your inner feelings might feel impersonal. Maybe it’s a path to start a new career or to see the world. It could be a path to an art class or a promise to try new foods.

The post wedding parachute is anything that makes you happy and fills the void of constant wedding planing and worry. The path doesn’t have to end at the alter and neither does your happiness. With preparedness (as much as you can muster) you’ll learn to sing a different tune than the post wedding blues.